"Sheltering". . . or Protecting?

Of all the tired stereotypes about homeschooling...and there are many...one that has become quite tiring to me is the idea that Christian homeschooling parents have made the decision to homeschool out of some kind of paranoid fear of the world and a need to "shelter" our children. This misconception does have some valid roots. After all, many homeschooling parents, myself included, are concerned about protecting their children, and wish to minimize the influence of the world. However, the implication of this stereotype is that we have a fear-based form of parenting and are not trusting God. This is simply untrue for the majority of homeschooling parents that I know.

To start, let's ask ourselves if "sheltering" our children is an automatic indication of fear or not trusting God. Is "sheltering" truly a bad thing? I contend that it is all a matter of how it's packaged. When a person uses the word "shelter", instantly images of drawn window shades and shy, fearful children are brought to mind. It is a word with a heavy connotation. And, in my opinion, it is rather unfair to use it so copiously when referring to homeschoolers as a whole. So, let's use the word "protect" instead. Now that we have substituted a word that more fully conveys the truth of the matter, let's ask ourselves if "protecting" our children is a negative thing. I think the obvious answer is "no". One of our very jobs as parents is to provide protection for our children. In fact, in Mark 9:42, we are told, "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea." Pretty heavy words! And if we take this warning seriously, it may lead us to take so-called extreme measures to avoid putting our little ones in danger of being led into sin.

Now, in all fairness, every parent must use discernment as to what they will guard their children from. We protect our children from many things on a daily basis. Some are obvious dangers. Some are more subtle. Perhaps to many parents, school seems to be something from which parents should not need to protect their children, and homeschoolers seem to be acting out of paranoia and fear. Schooling seems to be an amoral issue in and of itself. But I would argue against this notion and further point out that not all parents have felt this way throughout history. In fact, when public school first became compulsory in 1852, citizens actually met the local officials with guns drawn! It seems they found the idea of sending their children off with strangers for seven hours of the day a bit too radical! Today we have grown accustomed to the idea, and the court of time has rendered it innocuous in our minds. This is our "normal". But could it be that it is not so normal after all? Could it be that we have just learned not to question the status quo? Could it be that "this is the way we've always done it" has become good enough for us?

Whether you see a danger in the secular institution of public education and the influences of often godless peers and teachers or not, homeschoolers frequently do. (Disclaimer: I know there are some godly teachers who are trying to make a difference. I commend them, though I personally feel the foundation is such that a Christian cannot truly effect lasting change in the system. But that is a topic for another day and another blog post.) And if I, as a parent, see a danger to my children, should I not do what is necessary to protect them? And, to take it further, should I not warn others of the danger I see? I recently heard the argument that God protected Daniel in the lion's den, implying that we should trust that He will likewise protect our children from harm within the public school. First, though the passage does deal with God's protection, I would argue that we should be careful drawing such a conclusion from a Scripture that has nothing to do with education. I don't believe that passage is addressing our schooling choices. But, if we were to apply it to the topic at hand, I would agree that God certainly can protect them. He is sovereign and in control of every aspect of our lives. However, I would make the point that as parents, we don't generally throw our children into the lion's den and then ask God to protect them after we have personally put them in harm's way. This is presuming upon God's mercy. Life is dangerous, yes, but that is all the more reason to be vigilant and carefully consider how much time we will invest in discipleship ("schooling")!

So, are we homeschoolers choosing our path out of fear? Or is it out of a deep conviction to protect our children? I propose that it is the later. And it is my heart's burden that many more parents will take a fresh look at something we've all come to take for granted as normal. I share not with a heart to put myself or my "superior" Christian parenting skills on a platform, but out of a sincere hope that more parents will start to see the dangers of allowing others to spend the majority of the day with their children, the children with whom God has blessed and entrusted them.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9, "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Put on Your Steel-Toed Boots, I'm Stepping on Toes

I'm going to step on some toes...hopefully not stomp on them too hard, but lightly step. I tend to avoid doing so when possible, but the time has come when I believe Christians need to wake up and sometimes the only way to rouse a person is to cause a little pain to jolt them into awareness. And so, in advance, I apologize if I step too hard. I will try to step lightly.

It concerns an area of conviction. It seems to me that where the Bible is silent, Christians are a bit schizophrenic. In certain areas of silence or where the Bible does not make an explicit command, we have no trouble saying overtly that such-and-such an action is wrong. For example, I don't believe I've ever heard a pastor preach that taking a second wife is okay, yet I can't find a verse that explicitly condemns the practice. However, despite the lack of a “thou shalt not...” verse, Christians turn to other passages with principles to back up their condemnation of polygamy. I also don't believe I have ever been taught that illicit drugs are fine in moderation. If cocaine were legal, would pastors sanction doing drugs in moderation? There is no verse that condemns taking drugs, yet we turn to other passages to support the assertion that this is wrong. There are principles in the Bible that provide clear guidance in areas where the Bible is not specific.

So, I'm not sure then why other issues are not treated in the same manner. With other issues of conviction, it seems we are told that the Bible has no bearing upon them. Further, one cannot share his or her beliefs as to the Bible's influence without the instant assumption of condemnation. Some matters of conviction are simply taboo and we are told that the Bible has no input on those issues. But doesn't the Bible speak to all areas of our lives?

Take homeschooling, for example. While there is no verse that specifically states, “Thou shalt homeschool,” there are plenty of verses that Christians have used to support the idea that this is God's best for the vast majority of parents. Deuteronomy 6:4-9, for example, commands us to teach our children diligently and to do so constantly. Many Christians believe that this command is much too difficult to accomplish when the majority of most days are are spent running around, working, etc., while our children are spending the day being trained by someone else. And yet, it seems that if a Christian tries to gently share his or her conviction with others, they are met with an instant and usually incredulous defense and reminder of “Christian liberty”. It does not seem to matter whether the sharing is done in genuine love and concern. It seems to always be met with offense and the assumption of condemnation. Schooling is the sacred cow of Christianity.

Perhaps this should not surprise us. First of all, the issue deals with people's children, a subject that is so close to the heart that it is nearly impossible to evaluate without emotion. No one likes to hear that they may be wrong on such an important issue as who spends 7-8 hours per day with their child. No one wants to evaluate an area of their life that could have possible life-altering ramifications and could induce lasting guilt for having made the wrong choice for so long. It is certainly much easier to convince a parent of young children of the Biblical basis for homeschooling than it is to convince a parent whose children are nearly grown and have been in the system for the majority of their schooling. The admission of having made the wrong choice for so long about something as precious as their very own children is sometimes too much.

Secondly, there have been those in Christendom who have taken the truth and slapped their brothers and sisters across the face with it. Those who are very conservative can sometimes tend to be unloving in how they approach others and how they communicate their convictions. This is unfortunate, but it is just as unfortunate that the less conservative make such an assumption of everyone with such convictions based merely on that fact. It is a stereotype that should be avoided.

Furthermore, education has become our modern Baal. We idolize those who are intelligent and put those with high I.Q.s on a pedestal. Science and statistics are our gods. So, rather than evaluating the choice of how to educate our children by the Bible's standards, we are looking at the choice through the light of the world's lens. We forget the sovereignty of God...that He will train our children adequately for His work, regardless of our own inadequacies...and we want to make the schooling decision based solely on our own evaluations and the “way that seems right” (Proverbs 14:12).

To be sure, not everyone can homeschool and not everyone is called. There are single moms who cannot make it work and there are rare children of such strength of faith and character that they are specifically called to be a light in the darkness of a public school. I have heard of a homeschooled young man recently who prayed earnestly, along with his parents, and felt called to be a missionary to the public school. God has worked powerfully through him to bring many kids to the Lord and he has been a real instrument of revival. However, the number of such missionaries and such hard cases is, in my opinion, likely so small that I'm not sure what we are doing as Christians using that as our blanket excuse? I believe the majority of parents who have used this “missionary reasoning” have children who have actually done more damage to the name of Christ than good. We underestimate the spiritual battles Satan has raging in the public school (and even Christian schools) and the amount of pressure under which our vulnerable and impressionable children must stand firm in their faith.

Ultimately, just because we can do something does not mean that we should. Just because there is no “thou shalt not” verse, does not mean that we should not carefully evaluate each and every decision in light of Biblical principles. Christian liberty is not our excuse to put our brains into “cruise” and simply do what everyone else in the church is doing. It should spur us to evaluate why we have made the choices we have made and encourage us to find scriptural support for everything we do.

I hope I have not come across as judgmental or harsh. It is not my heart. But shouldn't we challenge each other and stretch each other spiritually in all areas of life? Isn't that what the Christian walk is about? Shouldn't we have open minds to consider all areas of our life and whether or not they are in alignment with the Bible? I still have room to grow and change and I'm sure you do, too! Or are there some topics that are just off limits? Are there some topics that are too personal for Biblical insight and accountability from others? Ultimately, we may not all agree on what the Bible says concerning this issue, but I hope we can at least start to have the discussion without the assumption that people such as myself are simply being judgmental and narrow-minded. On the contrary, I care too much to continue to keep my feet to myself! I just hope I didn't stomp too hard.

This One is For You, Whoever You Are.

I sit here writing at shortly after 5:00 am not because I am so motivated or self-disciplined. I have been awake on and off...mostly on...since two-something with body-possessing chills and a fever. It's not ideal the ideal set-up for a delightful romp around my blog with seven followers (I will count myself in that total, thank you very much). No, it's not the best timing for a musing or a puzzling. Nor is it the best timing for God to whisper in your ear, "Arise. Get out of bed. And write." Seriously, God? But, God and I had a good long discussion and barter session about it since somewhere in the "threes". This was what I needed to do and every "I will if..." that I could invent was answered. So, you, whoever "you" are, needed to hear this right now.

You see, I've been pondering hope a lot over the past few weeks. Do you ever feel like it just isn't there? For all your willpower and exertion, it just refuses to bubble up to the surface. You feel hopeLESS. hopeDEMOLISHED. hopeSHATTERED. You're exhausted and sick. Your house is being invaded by ants and moths. Your hot water heater decides to break, along with a couple nice electronics. Your loved one suffers with chronic disease. His contract for work is about to end. And even your answers to prayer seem to be simply a cat-and-mouse game with God. He answers every little detail of a specific request you have been praying for over a period of years and then seems to say, "Oops. Never mind."

Am I forgetting something? In reality, I have really been okay with all the life set-backs...up until the game of cat-and-mouse. I honestly feel like it is impossible for me to understand that one. It was not asked "amiss" and we have patiently waited a long time.

Yet, here we go back to that idea of self-discipline and motivation, something that I struggle horribly with in nearly every aspect of my life. Isn't that the crux of things? Let me explain. First of all, is hope a feeling? I mean, yes, we feel hopeful. But why? And if it's just a feeling, what about all the people who seemingly feel it when they have absolutely no reason in the world to? Those who are completely unflappable in the face of discouragement and disappointment far worse than what I am personally facing right now? Let's look at some verses and maybe we'll uncover this "secret":

Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

So we see that hope may indeed be a feeling, but that feeling is within our reach and control, with God's abiding grace, of course. It starts with a choice. It starts with the self-discipline to quit wallowing and instead grab...scratching and clawing if need be...onto the truth of God's unfailing LOVE and the belief that He is doing a good work in us, whether we understand it or not. No one feels like rejoicing over any of life's tragedies, whether they be small or enormous. But if we know that in the end they will produce not only endurance and character, but ultimately a comforting hope that surpasses human comprehension, wouldn't it be wise to choose to rejoice? And maybe it will have to start with simple acceptance and a "thank you" that feels unnatural and even wrong at times.

So, do we believe that he loves us? Do we believe that all these bumps and even gorges in the road are put there by Him for our good? And if we say we believe it, do we have the hope to back it up...to prove what we claim?

Let's lift each other up in prayer that we will persevere in what we know so that we may experience a hope that baffles the world and can only be explained by God.

A Laundry Room Talk with God

I just had an interesting conversation with God in my laundry room. Why He cares to join me in my messy laundry room while I perform boring tasks, I don't know. But He does. And the conversation went something like this...

Me: "Lord, I need to find that white shirt to make sure there's no spot left on it before I dry it. Help me to find it."

I search through mounds of wet white laundry to no avail. Where is that shirt?

Me: "Okay, Lord, I know you're in control, but I just need to find that shirt. I don't want it to be permanently stained if I dry it."

I search a little harder.

Me: "I can't find it and I really need to! I know it isn't your fault Lord, and you are in control. But please help me to find it! I'm getting frustrated here."

God: "Maybe I don't want you to find it."

Me: That can't be God talking. God wouldn't say that.

I then search piece by piece, even pulling open the sheets to see if it is entangled in one.

Me: "Now this just doesn't make sense!"

God: "Maybe it's my will that you don't find it."

Me: "But that's just silly! Why would you want me to ruin a perfectly good shirt? What a waste! I know I put it in the washer and now it's vanished! This doesn't make any sense and I can't accept something that doesn't make sense as your will."

God: "Do you hear what you just said? Listen to yourself. Don't you trust me? You know that what I do doesn't always make sense to you."

Sigh.

"Okay. Fine. I don't understand it at all, but there's nothing I can do anyway. I give up. . . I trust you."

I throw the armloads of stubborn laundry into the dryer, close it, and stand up. . . only to discover the mysteriously missing shirt had fallen under me and was right there on the floor. At that moment, I hear the garbage truck outside and run to take my overflowing can out to the street. I would likely not have heard the truck, had I found that shirt earlier because I was headed for the shower right after that menial task.

And here's the (probably obvious) lesson: If we can't trust Him to help us with the little things in our days, like something as insignificant as laundry, will we trust Him when the big things come? Listen when God talks to you in the laundry room. He's saying something important right there through all the routine daily monotony, too.

A Loving Judge

I've been contemplating lately the idea of God's mercy versus his justice. We all fully embrace the concept of His mercy and love. We seem to have no philosophical issue with that. Yet, it seems as though His justice is forgotten and even defamed in our culture today. But why? None of us vacillate in demanding justice when it benefits us, when it rights those wrongs done to us. We are satisfied when the rapist is sent to jail. We are mollified when the child abuser is locked away to pay for his crimes. Would anyone argue that demanding retribution for such crimes against innocent victims is unloving or unkind?

But God? His name is treated as a curse; His holy nature and character brought to trial by those who despise Him; His children hated, tortured, and martyred. Does God deserve justice? Does the Perfect One who breathed the very life into us deserve recompense? Or do we think we are more important than God, holier than God? It is permissible for us to demand justice. We deserve it. But God is supposed to be all love to all people in all circumstances...and nothing more. He is expected to just overlook all the wrongs and offenses and turn a deaf ear to His children's cries and a blind eye to the evildoers who mock His holy name.

I don't want a one-dimensional God who is unable to impart justice when such justice is the only right course of action. I want the God who both embraces and condemns. This is the God who makes sense, the God of the Bible who loves enough to judge...and yet is always willing to extend mercy even to those who fall under His judgment. That is the God that I love.

The Profitability of Truth

I enjoy a good debate, not because I enjoy proving myself right, but because I love truth. I sometimes engage in debate to proclaim and champion the truth and other times to actually search for and find the truth of a matter. I don't always know for certain that I am right, but the process of proving or disproving something is a pursuit that can be very fulfilling when you are truly seeking truth...or seeking to proclaim it to others.

So, I am not intimidated by someone pointing out errors in my logic...or the fact that I'm a complete idiot on a topic! In fact, have you ever noticed that those whom the world labels as weak or foolish are usually representatives of the truth? So, call me foolish! Because truth is worth becoming foolish for. Truth is worth insult and intimidation. Truth is worth the struggle to set it free because in the end, it is The Truth that sets us free!

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God." 1 Corinthians 1:27-29

The Spiritual Equality of Children

As parents, we often view ourselves on a different plane than our children. And in fact, we are in some ways. There is a degree of order to the family, an authority structure. The father is the head, the mother his support and second-in-command, and the children subordinate to those authorities. There must be mutual respect between family members along with a recognition of this structure.

However, we must recognize also that in some ways we are entirely equal. We have to remember that children have the same spiritual struggles that we do, just on a different scale. They, too, are humans created from the dust of the ground. Where we may struggle with envy of someone else's house, car, etc., they struggle with coveting their friend's toys or bike. These are the same struggles, at their heart, yet we tend to either minimize those struggles in our children and treat them as though they are lesser evils, or chastise and punish them out of an arrogant, domineering spirit instead of with a humble, relating heart.

Those who minimize their children's sin may think that there is some difference between covetousness in the heart of an adult and covetousness in the heart of a child. But in reality, these minor sins of childhood represent major heart issues that if left unchallenged, will someday become even more obvious, perhaps even criminal. Is there a murderer in the world who was not first a child filled with hate for others? Is there a bank robber anywhere that was not first a little one stealing gum or candy from the store? These are major sins, also, because they magnify what is in the heart. "For out of it are the issues of life" (Prov. 4:23).

Those who magnify their children's sin tend to be prideful of their spirituality and family position. They forget that they, too, struggle; that they, too, have hearts that are just as sinful. They are so focused on their children's sinfulness that they forget to look inward.

Both these attitudes -- minimizing and magnifying -- emerge when we forget that we are spiritual equals. We must remember that while we may be father and mother physically, we are spiritually brothers and sisters in Christ! We must come alongside our children in humility and help them in those same struggles that we ourselves may bear, recognizing the fact that all sin represents a heart that is out of order. And yet, we must also not take advantage of our God-ordained authority by acting in a spiritually superior manner. We need to get the "mote" out of our own eye first!

Sin is sin. We are all guilty before God and this should give us both the freedom and humility to gently lead our children "in paths of righteousness for his name's sake," just as our Heavenly Father leads us (Ps. 23:3).